I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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