We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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