I cockslap morals
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize