Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
