i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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