Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
