I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
