i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
