You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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