if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you win again, gameday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
