I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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