Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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