help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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