so let's talk penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
