Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
