You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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