Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
