So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
