god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
