dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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