Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
