i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just invented taco cereal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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