The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Too much gin, very little bucket
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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