haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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