Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
