I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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