forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
