You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
