So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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