my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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