I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
