Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
