So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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