I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
