I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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