The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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