Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
