ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
