think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
