The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize