Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
