just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
