it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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