While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
