She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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