I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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