Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize