My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
