Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
