smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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