Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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