Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
