I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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