Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
