Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
