Kiss
Puke
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
