WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
