I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
