dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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