she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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