My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
