All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
