We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
