oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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