Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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