Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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