My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
