i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
