just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
