I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.