despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
