His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?