I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??