i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"