I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call