Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
