Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
