Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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