my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
