Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
