somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think my fart just growled at me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
