While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
