Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
