Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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