the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
